flash light

It is so hard for me to write on a regular schedual. Part of it is because I fight being productive on a daily basis. Fighting a mental illness is a daily strugle. Like some sort of super power that is hard to explaned or undefstand. On the positive side, I am very tuned to the emotions around d me. I have been able to "read" people and help kind of be there for people. I can at times understand hardship and stress like no body I know. The negitive is that I can get carried away with my emotins. They can cloud my mind. It's a back and forth I have daily. So I try to watch my words. I never want my emotions to interrupt my life.
    I am loving the new flash tv serious. The way he deals with his speed is intresting. it is positive, he is saving the world. He is helping people but he also hides alot from people. There are also side effects he does not understand. It's a balancing act. The gifts are a azi g. A gift some would say. Also a curse, a burden he must bare. To control it. he has to be diligent a d disciplied.

    I am no superhero but I get some of that to want to be disciplined and diligent in how I take care of my self. How I use the gifts god gave me. That is so important to me. I don't ever want to hurt anyone ever but also want to help where I can. That is my lot I  life. To fight that fight. How do I deal, by watching a fictional hero deal. I belive that is a god thing. I belive go uses this things to speak to me. To reminder who I am and why I'm here

nerd lfe,yo

Wow, it's been a while since I've blogged. It's time to try this on a regular timetable. So I'm hoping that Tuesdays will be blog days. Also going to rename and rework this blog. I really want it to be about not only my thoughts on what's going on I. Nerdoms but also how faith and Inspirational ideas and nerd ideas can express each other.  I belive concepts of and and insperational thought can be everywhere. And can be expressed with all kinds of images. From art to sci-fi and superheroes to music and everything inbetween.  So what to rename this blog. See nerd love is really the over all ministry and mechanism that moves along ideas of peace,community and a love for all things nerd and nerds themselfes.  So this blog is about sharing ideas of nerd life all things nerd and life it's self. News, and activities of  the world of geek and nerd. So here is nerd life, expressing need love in the real world. I hope you enjoy and that you read a d share. I belive even thought we love diffrent stuf we have diffrent belive systems. We can still come together and enjoy each other company and not be completely alike. That's the joy of enjoying life. So let's open the wardrobe,step on the telaprtation pad,star the stargate, and warm up the warp drive. Cause we're starting an adventure in nerd life. Word.  

rip robin williams.

with the death of robbin williams it hit home. not just because he was a great actor. also a funny guy. .
   i loved mork and mindy. that may have been one of my first fandoms. i had a mork doll with plastic egg. i just remember being glued to the tv when he and  johnitian winters got going as gather and son.
    he struggled with depression which is something i have struggled with all my life. this feeling of never feeling good enough. never mesuring up too this line you put out that in your mind screams succsess. the problum is that line is so unrealistic. when someone subcomes to the presure to depresion hurts. someone lost tthe battle.
   he was also bipolor.. so it feels like i lost someone im my community.  this illness ties us togetheras one. . the thing about people with a illness like bipolor. we feel helpless snd hopeless. even thought we useully have a large group of people who call us friend. we tended to be very closed off. trust is something we deal out lightly. at 63 he was young. noone should take there own life ever. but its a daily battle. at 40 i fight the battle of suicide . its a monster that i belive can only be slain but the truth of jesus christ. for me thats friends who help  fight for me. its god giving me imagination outlets like doctor who or marvel comics. that shos my brain there ste better things out there.  it is a battle thst can be won.

confessions of a middle aged nerd

one of the biggest struggles i belive that people in fandom culture have is developing community.  the thing with community is that it takes time. time most people who woould call themselfs nerds would rather use watching there tv shows,working on costumes, or spending time with there collections. they do those things not only because there fun but  cause they give comfort.
when loking at community it not only needs to be with people they enjoy. who may like what they like. who can engage them in great conversation but also gives them peace. community that gives them the same feelings that watching there faviorte tv show or movie. that gives them the same gratifacation that building a costume piece or finding a rare collectable. thats what there looking for in friends. the other stuff will come.
so i belive just being a warm body is a great thing. i belive being avaliable is a part of living well.
this has been on my heart cause i live in both worlds. i want to be there for anyone. i also am one of those nerds who want community.who desier life more abundently. so i try. i put myself out more often. i try to strech myself. i encourage you to strech your self more. to love well. to be real with those close to you. to be a love nerd.

im on a mission from god part two

i love nerds and nerds culture. i feel like there is so much to learn about inclusion and enthuisam about life from most of the people i mert at cons and comic books store. i have meet some super creative people through cosplay. people who talent needs to be shared and shown. love the collecting aspect of the culture. taking old things and giving them life. 
yes there are negitive things and people in the culture. bullying tgat should not take place. shelfishness and greed that can make you ill. but i belive im calked to this community as an ambasador for the kingdom of god. to love everyone unconditionaly. so i choose to ignore the negitive and accent the positive
we are all creatiivr beings made by a creator. so i love seeing the ary and costumes that are painstakeingly made by hand for others to enjoy. i love the storirs that are told througjt comics,movies and tv. stories that point to the need and desier for love and community.
im on a mission from god. to love all,respect all and care for the needs of all. i do this by showing love to cosplayers by sharing there work. showing respect to collectors by collecting for myself. all this for the honor and love of jesus christ.

doooh

i have not wrote in a month. not because i dont want to or dont have something absolutly nrdy to say. cause i always have something to nerdy to say,always. i have not written anything because i have an issue. it can be very serious sometimes and it effects how i live. it affects my work, my art,my personal life and even my spiritual life.  so i confess i am lazy..glad i got that off my chest. i lack motivation sometimes just cause i dont want to. thats it i dont want to. i call it my being al bundy syndrom. i just want to sit watch tv and put my hand down my pants. i dont want to be botheref. kind of like homer and donuts. dont get in my way between me and my down time. oooo down time.......i cant explane it but i like sitting on my butt and do nothing. i dont have to have tv or phone. sometimes i just sit and stare at the wall. so feel like homer..ooo wall.  but i dont want to be that way. i want to be more like phinas and ferb. having something to do everyday. doing new,awsome, and exciting things everyday.  so i press forward. i try. so i know what im going to do tomorrow,you?

ballad of serinity

this has been a week. my memoir is shot to pieces. I've not Been able to remember much. or i remember the wrong thing. its part of the mediciean i take and that thing called old age.
    so Monday i forgot a important doctors appointment. it was upsetting cause i have to reschedule the appointment. just a hassle. Tuesday i drooped my car keys. i did not even check my pockets. just forgot to check. that lead into my car getting  my car stolen. shock,confusion and just anger. it was not for long but it was there. all cause i forgot.  Wednesday and Thursday were just dealing with all the stuff that needs to be done.
   by Friday i was realize I'm not going to let this get me down. i keep coming back to a song. it talks about not letting anything get you down.   the ballad of sanity from firefly tv show just resonated with me this week. it calmed me down and also refocused on the important things. faith,family and friends.  the lyrics resonate from a heart that has been hurt. that has had lost. that has had pain.

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me.

Leave the men where they lay
They'll never see another day
Lost my soul, lost my dream
You can't take the sky from me.

I feel the black reaching out
I hear its song without a doubt
I still hear and I still see
That you can't take the sky from me.

Lost my love, lost my land
Lost the last place I could stand
There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity

And you can't take the sky from me.

for me i understand. you can take my stuff,my dreams but you cant take my hope. my sky and the one who lives in that sky.