ballad of serinity

this has been a week. my memoir is shot to pieces. I've not Been able to remember much. or i remember the wrong thing. its part of the mediciean i take and that thing called old age.
    so Monday i forgot a important doctors appointment. it was upsetting cause i have to reschedule the appointment. just a hassle. Tuesday i drooped my car keys. i did not even check my pockets. just forgot to check. that lead into my car getting  my car stolen. shock,confusion and just anger. it was not for long but it was there. all cause i forgot.  Wednesday and Thursday were just dealing with all the stuff that needs to be done.
   by Friday i was realize I'm not going to let this get me down. i keep coming back to a song. it talks about not letting anything get you down.   the ballad of sanity from firefly tv show just resonated with me this week. it calmed me down and also refocused on the important things. faith,family and friends.  the lyrics resonate from a heart that has been hurt. that has had lost. that has had pain.

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me.

Leave the men where they lay
They'll never see another day
Lost my soul, lost my dream
You can't take the sky from me.

I feel the black reaching out
I hear its song without a doubt
I still hear and I still see
That you can't take the sky from me.

Lost my love, lost my land
Lost the last place I could stand
There's no place I can be
Since I've found Serenity

And you can't take the sky from me.

for me i understand. you can take my stuff,my dreams but you cant take my hope. my sky and the one who lives in that sky.

d'oh

sometimes you just dont care. you dont care to edit your mistakes.you dont care if you shower and groom.you dont even care if you eat or not. if you do eat. its junk. i think haveing a once in a while i dont care day is ok. it does something on the inside that makes you cate more the next day.
    i even have a i dont care fandom .one thhats is all about rotting my brain. im not sure it has much redeming value at all. even to the point that i feel like the main character. lazy,a little thick skulled and pure innocent in the way a pig is innocent of his upcoming death and subsequental main course goal.
     who is this moron i trun in to. homer simpsion of course. when im in a dont give a heck mood i trun to the simpsions. ig its there over the top city building game,tapped out. which is a total waste of time. or a shot to the arm episode of homer being homer. like i said i even can feel like homer. donuts and beer or any other horrible unhealthy food.
     i think a little homer is ok. he is lovable and sometimes get his job done.

hail hydra

    one of the things that has been pointed out to me a couple of times by a couple of people is the duality of nerd culture. on one hand there is the out right rule of consumerism. everything in nerd culture is a product. that be a movie, a collectible a comic or a convention. its all about putting money in someones pocket. the good is the consuming  of what you as a nerd love and cherish. the negative is that kind of consumerism leaves fandoms flat and  void of good content. it also leaves people with a strange sense of blindly following cause the only way there  going to get  what  they want to  to follow blindly.
    community is the opposite  of  that idea. its about quality over quantity. more about  who your with than what you consuming. living your life out  with others a lot like you doing things you all love. playing games or watching a TV show. more that just consuming, you end up discussing  what your watching. laughing  over a bad game move. or getting lost in conversation. you tend  to beat consumerism with each other . like a super hero team beating a cold heart
ed organisation that has infiltrated society under our noses and  is starting  to rise up and take over.
    kind of sounds like agents of shield trying to defeat Hyder. they came out of no where and had a upper hand in slowly breaking down society. the agents were caught of guard., felt betrayed  but stuck together and won. had some loses but  won. that's life. we have this nerd community that is holding us up. bad things might happen  but  we are proud to stand side by side with our friends and our fandom.

i heart will wheaton

      I have to admit. i am in love with will wheaton. i think is is an awesome actor. we  may not have the political and religious ideas but what  he has  done for sci-fi and  nerd culture is something that is amazing. from standing up for  all  of us nerds  who have been bulled and letting all know being super into some thing is not a unhealthy obsession always but a coping mechanism and a healthy outlet. i  beloved that. all these fandoms  are just  healthy outlets for things  like depression, bulling, anxiety and hate.  that's  not a  bad thing. for being a weird ,awkward  smart kid myself, i always identified with Wesley crusher. the kid who always saved the day. was really an odd ball but somehow cool  as  all get out. the fact he ended up as a cool time traveler who could save the world was also awesome. that was amazing for me. cause if  your smart and awkward, like i was,you may end up being special. that's a great thought to have and such an encouriging word  to live by.. it does not matter who you are but who your becoming.
       then there's the opposite of Wesley that's Dr. Issac parish from eureka. he was smart  but kind of a butt-head at  times. he had a good heart but he let his head get ahead of that sometimes. it  go him in trouble and direct competition with Fargo. i think that show that intelligence is not everything. but where i love will , yes were on a first name basis, is his love for nerds. he is a board game fanatic. that desire to play games with others nerds has started nerd community. nerds wanting to get together with each other and play games. enjoy each others company. breaking the stereotype that all nerds are loners and antisocial. that is so  not true. so go find nerds like you, go love on your fellow nerds and be apart of a greater community.. as will himself..play more games

shepards advice

if you don't know firefly then first I'm sorry. its such a good show. amazing really. Shepard book is a minster in the ship serenity. he gives great advice. like this..

Book: It’s not about making sense. It’s about believing in something, and letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It’s about faith. You don’t fix faith, River. It fixes you.
   what a powerful statement and so true. you can't fix faith. god and belief is something that cant be controlled. we cant make our self believe. as hard as i have tried i cant believe the good girl will come along.Ive tried hard. or more serenely try to fix someones unbelief. faith has a way of working itself out.
    river was a broken person.you know she wanted to be fixed. Simon tried and so did most of the firefly crew. the only way that was going to happen is believing that eventually it would happen. not forcing or making it happen but just thought time it will happen.
   that's hard to do. so very hard to do. Shepard book has great advice. let it work out, allow faith to do its job and fix itself

zombie brain

     sometimes ideas just don't come. the brain is kind of like a zombie. it has no desire to do anything but consume. we want it to produce,. we want ideas to flow like blood after a games of throne wedding. producing is good. we feel productive. we  feel useful. its nice when ideas just  run and  run. but today i am pushing them out like i have a internal tummy issue.

      so back to  the zombie brain.. to  day its just screaming. consume, consume. it wants t.v and movies and such. so why cant i give in. is it not OK to consume a little. you have to eat, that's consume and drink is consuming to. but  when it  comes to zombie brains. we fear that if  we consume to much. we will become useless. i guess that con happen just like  become fat or water logged. so there's a balance in all the 6 episodes  of star wars and getting that home project done. both are  good for you. yes over productiveness can hurt you to.. so no marathon braining  for me yet but fighting the zombie brain.

13 changes

     anything about relationships of any type can suck. its hard to be honest and real. its hard to be truthful how you feel about people. it sometimes takes years for truth to happen in your life with other people in it.
      so here we come to my main man peter latemer from wearhouse 13. a show we said goodbye to this week. which makes my heart so sad. the rnd of agents peter,micha,Arte and Claudia chasing strange historical objects to save the world. like micha said "the worlds most dangerous antique road show." which it was. peter, he was something awesome. a wonderful example of how a man can go from stubborn,sometimes foolish and did i say stubborn. to a man who struggled with life,love,danger and relationships. yes relationships, he had many but what started out as a uneasy partnership turned into a friendship which turned in to love. he fought it hard. he covered it with his strange job. he fought it tooth and nail. getting wammyed by strange artifacts along the way.
     why fight , why resist because it was easier that way. we all resisted change and resist becoming something more. for me its focusing on me. that's hard. i fight it hard. i need people to lift me up and love me not a lady to distract me. for me that's where I'm going. no dating all friendships. its the opposite of peter. but still very hard to resist. the need for a person to complete you. someone to make you better. unfortunately it does not work that way.  we need to be secure in self. that's part of the journey I'm on
      change its hard.ill probably get wammyed along the way. it Will hurt. that's why you have others. these are people on this journey who will come and go. some stay longer than others. you need them but you need you to.