rip robin williams.

with the death of robbin williams it hit home. not just because he was a great actor. also a funny guy. .
   i loved mork and mindy. that may have been one of my first fandoms. i had a mork doll with plastic egg. i just remember being glued to the tv when he and  johnitian winters got going as gather and son.
    he struggled with depression which is something i have struggled with all my life. this feeling of never feeling good enough. never mesuring up too this line you put out that in your mind screams succsess. the problum is that line is so unrealistic. when someone subcomes to the presure to depresion hurts. someone lost tthe battle.
   he was also bipolor.. so it feels like i lost someone im my community.  this illness ties us togetheras one. . the thing about people with a illness like bipolor. we feel helpless snd hopeless. even thought we useully have a large group of people who call us friend. we tended to be very closed off. trust is something we deal out lightly. at 63 he was young. noone should take there own life ever. but its a daily battle. at 40 i fight the battle of suicide . its a monster that i belive can only be slain but the truth of jesus christ. for me thats friends who help  fight for me. its god giving me imagination outlets like doctor who or marvel comics. that shos my brain there ste better things out there.  it is a battle thst can be won.

confessions of a middle aged nerd

one of the biggest struggles i belive that people in fandom culture have is developing community.  the thing with community is that it takes time. time most people who woould call themselfs nerds would rather use watching there tv shows,working on costumes, or spending time with there collections. they do those things not only because there fun but  cause they give comfort.
when loking at community it not only needs to be with people they enjoy. who may like what they like. who can engage them in great conversation but also gives them peace. community that gives them the same feelings that watching there faviorte tv show or movie. that gives them the same gratifacation that building a costume piece or finding a rare collectable. thats what there looking for in friends. the other stuff will come.
so i belive just being a warm body is a great thing. i belive being avaliable is a part of living well.
this has been on my heart cause i live in both worlds. i want to be there for anyone. i also am one of those nerds who want community.who desier life more abundently. so i try. i put myself out more often. i try to strech myself. i encourage you to strech your self more. to love well. to be real with those close to you. to be a love nerd.

im on a mission from god part two

i love nerds and nerds culture. i feel like there is so much to learn about inclusion and enthuisam about life from most of the people i mert at cons and comic books store. i have meet some super creative people through cosplay. people who talent needs to be shared and shown. love the collecting aspect of the culture. taking old things and giving them life. 
yes there are negitive things and people in the culture. bullying tgat should not take place. shelfishness and greed that can make you ill. but i belive im calked to this community as an ambasador for the kingdom of god. to love everyone unconditionaly. so i choose to ignore the negitive and accent the positive
we are all creatiivr beings made by a creator. so i love seeing the ary and costumes that are painstakeingly made by hand for others to enjoy. i love the storirs that are told througjt comics,movies and tv. stories that point to the need and desier for love and community.
im on a mission from god. to love all,respect all and care for the needs of all. i do this by showing love to cosplayers by sharing there work. showing respect to collectors by collecting for myself. all this for the honor and love of jesus christ.